“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” -Elayne Boosler
Have you ever found yourself in an unknown bathroom trying to figure out the lock, hoping that you would solve the puzzle before you peed your pants?
I have and I will again.
It seems to me that architects, homeowners, whomever, are not crippled, like I am, by the fear of someone walking in on them mid-stream. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that 50% of my urinations are done with one arm outstretched towards the door and the other ready to pull up my pants. This even happens in my own condo. It's horrible.
Let me tell you about a few places where the locks are particularly bothersome:
1- MY CONDO: What appears to be a simple lock on the doorknob is actually a trap - the door opens whenever it wants. You may say, "Helen, you live with your boyfriend, what's the big deal?" To that I say, "My mom told me that I should never pee in front of my boyfriend because she never peed in front of my dad and they have been married for over thirty-five years."
If keeping the door closed is a recipe for a successful relationship, the door stays shut!
2- DANNY'S PARENTS' HOUSE: Would you believe the doorknob is on backwards? Not only am I afraid of being bombarded, I'm afraid of being locked in. Double-whammy.
3- JEN HUGHES' CHILDHOOD HOME: In this case, the bathroom also houses the washer/dryer, which means high traffic and trouble since the lock is like nothing I've ever seen. I figured it out after fifteen or so years, but the former years were trying.
4- BEACH/MOVIE THEATERS: We've got shiny floors and a population of women that cannot aim nor flush. Once you find a suitable stall, you know it's not going to lock therefore you do the arm-extend.
5- MY NIGHTMARE: In this recurring nightmare, I have to pee and I can only go in a unisex bathroom without doors. To make matters worse, the bathroom I have to use is raised like a real throne. Do I go for it? I can't remember...
I laughed so hard when I read this - it took me by complete surprise that you mentioned my house. What's even worse than a stranger walking in on you? I was about 12 years old, changing out of a wet bathing suit in the aforementioned bathroom, thought I had locked the door and my male cousin of the same age walks in. NOT OK.
ReplyDelete